No matter what your age or even if you have been married before, the thought of dating can bring up so many questions.
First and foremost as a Christian and follower of God you must honor God in all things including dating. I am so fortunate to be involved with a singles group from my church that includes singles from all walks of life. Some are recently divorced, some have been divorced for many years, some have never married at all, some have kids, some have never had a child. Being with such a diverse group gives me a chance to not only get to know these people but, learn from them as well.
Dating is a topic that comes up more often than not. We all want to know, how will I know if he/she is the right one, how do I date and honor god, what if I slip up, The truth is no one has all the answers but God. I have made the mistake of doing it my way so many times with the same results time and time again..failure. Once I made the decision to find my identity with God first and have a intimate relationship with him, there was a huge burden lifted from me. God has a plan for all of us and he designed us to be with someone else.
Let’s understand one thing, God never ever tells men to seek after a girlfriend that you can use and abuse. God hates it when His children take advantage of others. In society and this includes men taking advantage of women in dating situation (whether physical abuse or emotional abuse). The Bible ONLY endorses relationships with men and women that lead to long term commitment and eventually to marriage. If you don’t believe this then START reading God’ Word and see for yourself.
This would be dating where both individuals have no interest in a long term commitment.
This would be dating that simply has “fleshly pleasures” in mind.
This is dating with absolutely no interest in marriage.
Recreational Dating in the world today usually has the satisfying of emotional and physical desires in mind. There are certainly many more descriptions of Recreational Dating, but the descriptions that have been given describe the problem of Christians being involved in this kind of dating practice.
Some have said, “because the Bible says nothing about dating or little about how a man and a woman should find a spouse, we have no clear commandments on this subject.” I disagree with this conclusion and let me show you why!
We CANNOT find in the Bible teachings that endorse the kind of recreational dating that the world practices today.
God has plenty to say when you want to hear WHAT He has to say about any given subject.
Christian men or women should only interest themselves in a relationship with another Christian (a true – proven believer).
Deut. 7:3 “Nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son. 4 “For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods; so the anger of the LORD will be aroused against you and destroy you suddenly.
2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
1 Co 7:39 A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.
Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Matthew 19:5 “and said, `For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
God’s word is not Fuzzy is it? Two become one! End of discussion! So if you are one part of the equation you only need to find ONE more to complete God’s equation for a Biblical Marriage. The problem with our modern dating system today is that it encourages people to be with many many other, rather than just patiently waiting for the right godly Christian person whom you could develop a godly “FRIENDSHIP”, with hopes and Intentions of a long term commitment leading to marriage.
Believers should not take on the practices and the philosophies of the World. We should take on Biblical principles and OBEY God’s commands. You will not be able to go to the Bible and find any evidence that supports the modern dating system of “shopping around type of relationships” (involving, emotional bonds, physical bonds and mental intimacy) till you find the perfect person. God’s word certainly tells us to look for one godly mate. Christians should spend more time patiently looking and developing friendships that do not involve emotional commitments UNTIL a man and a woman are prepared and able to COMMIT to Marriage. Some may be thinking, “I don’t believe that!”. You’ll have to prove it wrong and stay in harmony with God’s teachings in the Bible. Go ahead, Search the Word and discover for yourself.
Another problem with the World’s Dating techniques is that they encourage breaking off commitments. That’s right! People date. They get emotionally and physically involved (though Christians should not) and then something comes up that bothers one or both people involved and they “break of the relationship”. This type of attitude in relationships has certainly impacted the divorce rate in society. During the dating game, we can develop an attitude that says, “If it doesn’t work out, I’ll just find someone else.” This is not God’s plan. God does not want you to commit to relationships unless you intend to keep the vow.
Numbers 30:2 “If a man makes a vow to the LORD, or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.”
Matthew 5:37 “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”
Colossians 3:9 Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds,
Remember, God NEVER encourages us to merely look for a girlfriend or boyfriend to date for some uncommitted period of time. This is why you must be patient! You must look from a distance to determine if the person is truly a Christian and truly desiring to live for God. If they don’t have a heart for God, why in the world would you even think to develop a relationship with them?
1 Corinthians 7:9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
1 Corinthians 7:1 “Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.”
Ephesians 5:3 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints;
1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.
2 Timothy, 2:22 Flee also youthful lusts;
Some may be unhappy at this point, but your obedience to God is more important than worldly pleasures. The fact is, you’re only hurting yourself, someone else and your relationship with God when you date “The World’s Way.”
It’s all right to be friendly in a godly way with other young people. You just need to be careful not to cross biblical lines that God Clearly draws for us.
Don’t get physical! (In any sexual way – that’s saved until marriage.)
Don’t make promises you don’t intend on keeping!
Don’t get involved with Unbelievers or believers not walking with God.
Do wait to start a One person relationship with a person you KNOW you could marry.
Do watch from a distance! Look for proven godly character. Too many can put on a good “show”.
Do honor God every step of the way in any relationship!
Dating is tough. I am not writing this to say this is the be all end all of dating advice. For those who know me I will be the first person to tell you how to have a relationship the wrong way. Since I have gained my identity with God and my heart is full of him, I know it will take a Godly woman whose heart is just as full of God’s love to get to mine. If you date in a Godly not worldly manor, you have the blessings of God and the outcome is substantially better. I can not image how that relationship is going to be. I can only be patient and remember to honor God while dating and wait for the treasure he has promised us all.